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Enter era of slay queens

Who is a slay queen? A slay queen is a woman who wants to show all and sundry just how beautiful they feel they are and how they do their “cool stuff”, not forgetting their blond opinions.

That girl you see in town with flowers on her head, a “band” on her neck is definitely a slay queen. It is that girl who doesn’t do githeri  (boiled maize and beans) does sleepovers only in leafy addresses like Nairobi’s Kitsuru only.

Today i will try to demystify and try to understand the phenomenon and characteristics of these slay queens.

Characteristics of slay queens

Makeup is a must

A slay queen must look good always and at all times.

A slay queen must have her make up intact all the time. She has to keep up with all makeup and accessories trends. That includes keeping tabs on all glam pages on Facebook and tutorials on YouTube.

They cannot meet more than one person without makeup. They better spend the better part of their time in vehicles but not step out without make-up.

A slay queen would rather sleep hungry but don the latest lace weave or wig and have perfect gel polish on her “sexy” nails. Slay queens sleep in their heels. No catching them in low life kind of shoes like flats!

Unique language

Slay queens not only want to look different from commoners but also want to appear posh and so have a tendency of coining or cutting short their words. 

You know she is a slay queen if you can’t keep a tab with how many wharrevas and ooh my gosh she drops in under five minutes!

Their newest word, issa, is a slaying contraction of it is, so do not be baffled when you see them updating that issa Friday, issa parry time and such issa things.

For instance in Kenya’s Kiswahili you will hear them say, penda wewe sana, bae, etc they strive to appear cool and different from other women.

Desperate to show the world on social media that they too read and that are smart, they will take a pic of a book cover and caption it with, “good riddance”!

Hashtags are also part of their language. A slay queen is nothing if she can’t tell a short story using hashtags. #MyCrib, #TravelManenos and others hashtags have to be dragged to every post.

Once in a while she will also feel obligated to remind all of us dimwits that she is a #SlayQueen and she is always #Slayinghard!

On social media 24/7

A slay queen wakes up and sleeps on social media. Social media is like oxygen to a slay queen because all their lives revolve around being seen and talked about on social media. In any case, where would the queen go with her intact make up if she didn’t have her Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat account?

They are always checking on how many people liked or commented on their photos and updates.Their airtime is majorly not for calling but buying data bundles.

As part of the art of being a slay queen, she has the obligation of updating mere strangers online about where she is having her breakfast, lunch or dinner, where and when her invisible bae and her are travelling to, to all the major happenings in her life.

Of Course the photos they post on social media are heavily edited with filters to create perfect and flawless looks until you meet her face to face and realize that she has this big scar on her neck or nowhere near the person she posts on social media.

Maintains fake facade of opulence

One of the commandments of a slay queen is ‘fake it till you make it’.

Slay queens are masters at creating a false impression on social media that they are balling big time yet most of them are jobless.

They will only take photos at their rich friends’ place and at big malls to appear like they are swimming in money. You will see them with safety belts on “driving their cars” in Parking mode.

A slay queen has to pout her mouth or twist it or just stick out her tongue when taking photos.

Their legs have to be twisted in photos, you would thing she is suffering from rickets or polio. They call it swag. The slay queens’ constitution, photo session, also says that she must try her level best to show both her glam face and “big sexy” behind in all the photos.

Additionally, she has to go to all length to get the perfect shot for the day, be it to climb a rooftop, hug a transformer or hop into the next airport-bound bus to take a photo at the international departure terminal and hop back to their slum house immediately after! It is an hustle, my friend!

Acts like she is the queen of England 

There is nothing wrong about hating poverty after all there is nothing good about living from hand to mouth.

A slay queen, however, takes this to a whole new level. She treats everyone she considers below her like dirt from the taxi driver, the garbage collector, the apartment cleaner. She easily gets annoyed and has no patience for them. 

Even though women are hypergamous by nature (marry men of a higher caste than them), most women don’t despise poor men as long as they are working to earn something. Slay queens, however, see no ‘customer’ potential in such men.

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