Want people not use you? Here’re 5 No bullshit tips
More often than not, we grow up thinking that people mean well for us until well, when life kicks you in the balls. From when you are a small kid it is always drummed upon you that kindness, gratitude and loving is the epitome of humanity.
While these attributes are good and rightfully desirable what most people miss a long the way or you can say the conversation that is never heard is how kindness can be a double edged sword and used to exploit people who are kind.
Being decent, loving, engaging thoughtful, and empathetic are desirable qualities but there is a dark side to doing all that. The flaw with these rightfully good qualities is that it assumes everyone will play by the same rules when reality is a whole different thing altogether.
What happens then is good ‘naive’ people soon unwittingly become the punching bag and doormats to be walked allover by other people who careless. These people have no qualms to ‘use your face to wash the floor’ and take undue advantage of you. It is even more painful if the person taking advantage is one whom you love and in a romantic relationship with.
If you think less of me as a human, why should I think highly of you…. because its right? Moral? I am supposed to be the bigger person? Hehehe nugu
Wake up and smell the coffee my friend
As Robert Greene opined “when you meet a swordsman, draw your sword: Do not recite poetry to one who is not a poet.” so its time you dish out what you are served for your own sake.
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Realize that the moment you start fighting back after being treated badly with people who were taking advantage of you, there is going to be conflict. They are going to pull away, unfriend you, call you names and talk about how you changed. But realize that this is a ploy to get you back to where you were you were being used without complaining. Remember that when some people say they care about you, they only care about what you can do for them. So when you withhold they will definitely start fighting back.
How do you get people to stop treating you like a doormat?
1. Never do anything for anyone with an expectation attached
Do not expect any favors from anyone and as a result, you will not be disappointed. Also realize that humans are fallible and will disappoint you when you least expect it, as such doing things for anyone with expectations will lead to disappointments. When push comes to shove, everyone will choose themselves over you. Having less expectation from people will bring fewer disappointments. If the only reason you are helping someone is that you expect help in return, then DON’T do it! Because most often than not that help will not come or when you expect it it will not come according to your expectations. Remember, there are people in your life who want to see you doing good, but never better than them.
2. Never do anything for someone because you feel bad for them
People who are nice and helpful to others tend to go above and beyond to make sure everybody around them is happy and satisfied. Most of the time, no one else is really there for them. They tend to feel that if no one does nice things to people around them then no one else will do it. They find themselves in this situation where they can’t say no. If you don’t learn to hold back then you will never do things that matter to you. Things that will develop you, make you happy, and a good investment of your time.
3. Embrace and love your social discomfort
What happens when you say no to someone who needs your help; conflict most likely erupts. Quite a number of people will want conflict not to exist and as such will bend over backward to avoid it. Sometimes you need to learn to just say NO! I cannot do it and be comfortable with the discomfort they may feel when they think you have refused. It may be hard but you need to learn to be comfortable with discomfort. If you don’t take charge of your time, energy, and resources, people will misuse them.
4. Learn to say NO!
This is so hard for people to do but its absolutely a must. It is a muscle that needs to be exercised. Plus No should be a complete answer. Learn not to have to explain your No’s. When you say no and try to give explanations, the person to who you said No will try to punch holes in your explanation to get what they want and you would feel as if your No is not good enough. Saying No can save you a lot of time, bad relationships, and Money. People who really care about you will understand your No.
5. Learn to set boundaries
Saying No is an establishment of a boundary in itself, however, there are other boundaries that people should learn to draw. Note that boundaries are not things that have to be stated, but can be read by how you behave and you respond to people. Boundaries are important for your personal life too. Without them, you can turn into a dumping ground for people. Setting boundaries help you to maintain your sanity.
Learn these five tips and free yourself from our recommended book from being a door mat!875