Sexual Coercion: How to Set Sexual Boundaries in a Relationship
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Sexual Coercion
Think of sexual coercion as a spectrum or a range. It can vary from someone verbally egging you on to someone actually forcing you to have contact with them. It can be verbal and emotional, in the form of statements that make you feel pressure, guilt or shame.
Sexual coercion refers to using pressure, alcohol, drugs or force to have sexual intimacy with someone against their will. This includes “persistent attempts to have sex with someone who has already refused.”
Exploitation
Using Insults
Pressure
Relational Threats or Manipulation

Intimidation
Inducing Helplessness
Induce Hopelessness
Physical Harm
Setting Sexual Boundaries
What’s a Boundary?
Sexual boundaries include:
Define Implicit and Explicit Sexual Boundaries ?
Not wanting to have sexual activity while you are on birth control or after taking medicine for prevention of pregnancy.
Instances of Explicit Sexual Boundaries
Not wanting to have sexual acts unless your romantic partner uses protection like a condom
Not wanting someone to touch you sexually before you agree
Not wanting to do anything that makes you uncomfortable even if the activity is considered normal.
How to Explore Your Sexual Boundaries With Your Romantic Partner
During boundary negotiation with your significant other ask yourself what your likes and dislikes are. What are some of your best or worst sexual encounters? It’s okay if the experiences are with the same person. You may love being with your romantic partner but there may be situations in the past when you felt uncomfortable but you didn’t open up about them.
Be direct and clear about what you want to do and what you don’t want to do. If you worry about hurting your partner’s feelings it’s advisable to lead with a positive attitude. For instance, you can tell them, “I love when you do this, but I don’t enjoy it when you do that.”
Your significant other should also learn to respect your boundaries. If they question your boundaries then you have a deeper problem that needs to be addressed.
How to talk About Your Sexual Boundaries With Your Partner
So, how do you set boundaries with a romantic partner? What are the keys to discussing your sexual boundaries and how do you set them with your romantic partner? A healthy relationship is all about communication. This means having serious and open conversations about serious topics and without judgement.
Let your partner know and understand why you want to talk to them and find a quiet place with no distractions. Do not wait until you are about having sexual intercourse to have a sex talk about boundaries. Discussing sexual boundaries should be the most natural thing for the two of you. Pick a time when both of you are available and free to discuss your sexual feelings.
You may also use this period to propose new ideas between the sheets. Rather than springing something new to your partner immediately, discuss new sex styles you would like to try together. Whatever you want to do in bed or you don’t want to do, ensure that your partner knows this before any of you takes your clothes off.
You can try a new sex position, different sex toys or condoms of different textures.
Characteristics of Couples who Practice Healthy Sexual Boundaries
They understand that their significant other may not want sexual relations as often as they do.
They don’t want their significant other to feel pressures
They are happy that their partner feels comfortable enough to beg off when not feeling up for sexual intimacy, and they see it as a form of self-care.
They would not want their romantic partner to feel the pressure to have sexual intimacy when they don’t want to.
They would never react negatively when their partner says that they don’t want sexual intimacy at a particular time.
They know how to take good care of themselves if their partner doesn’t want to have sexual intercourse with them and don’t allow it to harm the relationship.
Relationships can turn out to be sexless with time. If both partners are okay with that, it is okay. If one of the partners cannot accept it then, the one who has lost interest should do all they can to determine what is going on and get back on the sexual track.
This could also mean having a physical examination that includes physical therapy, bloodwork and testing hormones. Since sexual relations is a normal personal need you need to understand what you should do so that you are in a position to meet your partner’s sexual needs. Don’t expect your sexually interested partner to give up on their sex life forever.
