Babe! I am not in the mood but we need to have sex - say hello to Maintenance sex

Babe! I am not in the mood but we need to have sex – say hello to Maintenance sex

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Babe! I am not in the mood for Sex

Sorry, i have an headache so i am not in the mood for sex today. This is one of the most common excuses people use to avoid having sex.

In an ideal world, nobody will say no to sex and it would always be like it did in the first few weeks and months of your relationship. Every opportunity to jump between the sheets and fuck the shit out of each other will  be like a godsend.

Sadly, while, sex with your partner can feel great and even cheer you up and make you feel needed and desired. With time sex may start to feel boring for many reasons, including lack of time, lost passion, or even a medical condition. Soon the idea of sex alone is enough to make you depressed especially if you have been married for a long time or cohabited with your partner for a while.

Say hello to maintenance sex

Maintenance sex is a term used to describe the concept of having sex with a long-term partner in order to strengthen your relationship, regardless of whether or not you’re in the mood for it.

The problem, however, is majority of women come from this school of thought that when she isn’t in the mood for sex then her hubby or husband should forget about it.

Speaking exclusively to OK magazine, Caprice Bourret a popular US model, says women should ‘take one for the team’ and always have sex with their partners.

“You can’t say ‘I’m tired’ or ‘I have a headache’ — no!

“Take one for the team, it’s between five to ten minutes of your life.”

Any relationship would be “done and dusted” without regular sex

In her interview, Caprice explained that having regular sex with her husband during the first lockdown helped boost her marriage.

“Men are simple creatures — you feed them, give them compliments and sex and they are happy.

It’s the best stress reliever. During the first lockdown I was very active — I was chilled and creative.”

She argued that any relationship would be “done and dusted” without regular sex and encouraged women to sleep with their husbands most nights.

“You have to keep it alive,” she said. “If you can settle down from your day and enjoy it, it’s fricking awesome.”

Caprice Bourret, 49, is a mum of two and says that she regularly sleeps with her 54 year old husband Ty Comfort.

Non-consensual sex within marriage is not rape

While it is consensual sex in the sense that both parties agree to it, the concept is predicated on the idea that one partner is only having sex because they feel obliged to as opposed to simply wanting to.

According to one study published in The Journal of Sex Research, researchers found out that out of 1,519 unmarried university students, 55 percent of women said that they had consented to unwanted sexual intercourse.

Other studies have found similar results and explored the consequences of sexual compliance

However,  according to statistics from a YoGov survey of 4,000 people found out that a quarter of British people do not view non-consensual sex within marriage as rape. More than a third of over-65s – and 16 per cent of people aged 16-24 – did not consider marital sex “forced”, even though marital rape has been illegal in the UK for more than 30 years.

Why maintenance sex is actually great

Sex is like oil in an engine, it makes things to move until the next stop where you can fix things better.

Michele Weiner-Davis, who works as a ‘divorce busting’ relationships coach says that having sex when you’re not fully in the mood can enable you to shag your way out of trouble.

‘Have more sex to make your relationship happier and longer lasting’ sounds like a very over-promisey self help book. But according to Michele, it can really work.

“In my experience, yes. I try not to say no to sex when it’s initiated (by my husband, not by strangers) if my response if ambivalent. If I could take it or leave it, I have a policy of always going for the ‘take it’ option. I figure that I’ll never regret it, we can always stop if it’s not working, and it’s an important part of our intimacy. ” Michele said as quoted by metro.

Sex is like going to the gym even if you don’t feel like it

Treating sex like going to the gym or hoovering your living room might not sound very sexy, but we all know what a great feeling of satisfaction those activities give you, even if you didn’t feel like them to start with.

“Friends of mine are brilliant about going to the gym when they’ve had a long day at work, or doing a big food shop. I’m useless at those things, but I do have a serious dedication to my sex life, and I think it’s one of the reasons that after almost five years together my husband and I still have a happy, healthy and frequent sex life.

Of course you should never force yourself into having sex if you one hundred percent don’t feel like it, but just like going to the gym, when you actually get down to it it’s enjoyable.”

Remember sometimes having sex will take effort but keep in mind that the more sex you have the more sex you will want it, so if you make the effort now, you might just find that in future you really don’t need to.

Tausi, is a budding writer who loves to explore women taboo topics and bring them to the fore.

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