maintenance sex

How Does Maintenance Sex Improve Relationships and Marriage?

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What Is Maintenance Sex ?

it is a phrase used to describe the concept of engaging in sexual intercourse with a long-term partner, (regardless of whether you want it or not) in order to keep and strengthen a relationship. In an interview with The Guardian, Journalist Sali Hughes shared that,

“This phrase was coined by my friend Sali and it recognises a vital phenomenon: the point, in a long-term relationship, when it’s ‘been a while’ – 10 days, two weeks – and neither of you is particularly up for it, but you know, from your deep wisdoms, that you need to ‘do a sex’ now to keep everything ticking over.”

What Does Maintenance Sex Mean in Terms of Consent?

When it comes to consent, the concept of maintenance sex can be challenging.
While it’s consensual in the sense that both parties agree to it, the idea of maintenance sex is predicated on the idea that one of the partners is having sexual intercourse because they feel obliged to so even though they are not willing to.
This has been referred to in some reports as “unwanted sex”, falling under sexual compliance and has been proven to be prevalent among most women.
Individuals maybe forced to some couples may be forced to have unwanted sex
Other studies also found similar results and explored the effects of sexual compliance with one particular one finding it can cause poor mental health.
Additionally, a recent study found there are links between attachment anxiety and sexual compliance referring it to deep-rooted relationship matters.
Taking a look at the definition for maintenance sex you are able to glean that your feelings don’t play any vital role in having maintenance sex compared to the regular sex that you are used to. Thus concept came from a survey that revealed that 54% of men and 42% of women in committed relationships lack fulfilling or happy sex lives.
Passion is usually at the onset of most relationships. During this stage most people can’t seem to keep their hands away from their romantic partners as the sex life is mind blowing. What happens after child bearing?
How do you find a balance between pressure at work with having a better and fulfilling sex life? With time, many couples admit to drifting apart even as their sex lives die naturally.
This form of sex mitigates the effects of time as well as the external pressures on your sex life as romantic partners. Who doesn’t desire some time to explore their sexual desires with their partner?
Here are various reasons why one should consider adding maintenance sex to their relationship:

It Deepens Intimacy

Individuals get into relationships and marriages to deepen emotional connection with their romantic partner. Having sexual intercourse is one of the best ways to deepen sexual intimacy in a relationship. Medically, your body releases oxytocin when you reach climax and hit an orgasm. This hormone deepens physical and emotional bonds between romantic partners.
Sexual intercourse is the most intimate activity you and your partner can engage in. Releasing oxytocin after having an orgasm makes you feel closer to your partner.

Boosts Self Esteem

Time takes a toll on every person. You may not remain to be the pretty lady or handsome man you were a few years ago. Do you remember what kind of relationship you had when your relationship was still young?
Do you remember how your partner looked at you with eyes full of passion or admiration ? And how you had explosive sex episodes with your partner?
Maintenance sex helps preserve your partner’s self-esteem. When you explore your partner’s body between the sheets it makes them seen and loved. It reminds them that you see them to be sexually desirable.
When your physique changes, it may make you feel like you have lost your initial charm but maintenance sex reminds you that you are still attractive. Knowing that your partner still desires you makes you feel sexier.

It Helps You To Discuss Your Sexual Needs

Some romantic partners can remain in a relationship and never discuss their sexual needs. Some find discussing sex a taboo. Maintenance sex will assist you and your partner to break through a communication barrier.
The refusal to discuss sex could be due to shame, fear or feeling embarrassed to discuss it. When you start engaging in sexual intercourse, your emotions and sexual needs take over and you tend to be more vocal about what you need.
With time, you realize that the communication improves, in and out of the bedroom. Maintenance sex helps you deal with secrecy, on of the biggest sexual problems in relationships and marriages.

It Helps Avoid Long Dry Spells

With time you find yourself going for a long time without having sexual intercourse with your partner. This may be caused by increasing pressure and responsibilities in your life. Maintenance sex helps you to avoid long dry spells that are bound to harm your relationship. You don’t have to be in the mood for maintenance sex, remember.

Maintenance sex helps couples with avenues to be honest with each other. It helps you to ride on the wings of powerful emotions you feel after intimacy with your romantic partner to discuss difficult topics you wouldn’t discuss.

Maintenance sex helps to avoid long periods of dry spell
Maintenance sex helps to avoid long periods of dry spell

In other words, emotions that follow sexual intimacy are a communication boost especially when they are crucial topics to discuss. However, it aids you to start lighter topics so you don’t annoy your partner. If they have done something to annoy you, start by letting them know and reminding them that there’s no judgement in the room.

How to Improve Your Experience With Maintenance Sex

Identifying What’s Stressing You Out

A sudden decline in your sex drive may have nothing to do with your partner. Unrelated things like an annoying co-worker or a business deal that didn’t go through may affect how you approach sexual intimacy at home.

The first step to have crazy maintenance sex is to establish what caused a decline in your passion. Do you have health challenges? Have you lost the ability to sexually please your romantic partner in bed? Are you worried about losing a job and how it affects your finances?

Spice Up Your Sexual Experience

Maintenance sex doesn’t have to be a boring and monotonous experience. It aims at returning the spark in your relationship or marriage therefore you have a huge role to play.

Consider trying new things between the sheets. If you are comfortable, try using sex toys. You can also flirt with your partner and set the tone for mind blowing maintenance sex. Also, change your wardrobe and look sexy for your partner. It’s time to pull out those sexy lingerie you have stashed aside.

Also, try a weekend getaway with your romantic partner at an exotic location. Who knows, it may help you find your sexual mojo once more. Try by all means to spice things up or chase your sexual routine.

Maintenance Sex Won’t Always be Amazing

Maintenance sex is different from regular sex as it won’t always be mind-blowing. At times you may fumble around and let go in depression and frustration. The real work however is done when you learn to be in tune with your needs and sharpened your communication skills effectively.

Maintenance sex works magic in your relationship or marriage with time. Your relationship or marriage woes will not end as soon as you are done with being sexually intimate. Instead you should be willing to put in the work on your relationship as time progresses. Communicate your sexual needs and be on the lookout for your partner’s needs as well.

In Conclusion

If you feel like you are losing the spark in your relationship, drifting apart from your partner or you feel like your sex life is tedious or non-existent, it means you need some maintenance sex.

We have discussed what maintenance sex is and discussed proven strategies that will help you to spice your sex life. However, you need to understand that maintenance sex isn’t the quick fix for the challenges you are experiencing in your relationship or marriage.

When used the appropriate way, maintenance sex can rekindle a dying sex life. Use the strategies listed to get started with engaging in maintenance sex and also consider relationship counselling to assist you to identify and tackle any relationship challenges that manifest in your sex life.

Every person in a relationship or marriage is in a position to maintenance sex regardless of your gender. This is due to the fact that relationships are different people with various sexual or physical needs. Therefore it’s up to talk to your partner and establish how many times you need to have sex every week , month or year. What matters is that both of you discuss and decide on whatever works for both of you.

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