Talking about sex is a surefire way to strengthen and enhance your romantic life tenfold. However, it’s one of the most neglected aspect. You are either confused about what you should discuss with your partner, embarrassed ,or both!
Are your sex drives wildly mismatched? Discuss it with your partner. Have you been in a long dry spell that you can’t remember when you both had sex? Discuss it. You really want to tell your partner to stop doing that thing in the bedroom that you strongly hate? Discuss it.
The concept that we need to talk about the complex dynamics that come up in our relationships is nothing new. However, the typical discussions about sex with your partner is a , ” Just talk about it” advice often ends there leaving us with other concerns- how do we actually initiate these kinds of conversations?
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Reasons to Talk About Sex With Your Partner
According to research, couples with strong strong sexual communication have a more satisfactory sexual life. If you’re experiencing problems with your sex life talking honestly about them with your significant other might improve your relationship and your sex life.
Open communication can lead to greater feelings of intimacy and a stronger relationship. In fact, talking honestly with your partner might increase your overall satisfaction with your relationship.
A 2019 study tied better sexual communication with fewer faked orgasms and great sexual satisfaction. The study’s authors said, “Women who continued to fake orgasms were more likely to indicate embarrassment talking about sex with their partner in explicit ways,”
“More than half of women reported they had wanted to communicate with a partner regarding sex but decided not to; the most common reasons were not wanting to hurt a partner’s feelings, not feeling comfortable going into detail, and embarrassment.”
Open communication can lead to greater feelings of intimacy
You have the right to say no to sexual acts. Don’t expect your partner to read your body language to know that you are not interested in sexual acts. If you don’t want to have any sexual acts, just say so. It doesn’t matter if you have had sexual activity before, or why you don’t want to have sexual activity with them- your no means no.
You also have the right to change your mind when having sexual intercourse. Maybe you have initiated sexual intercourse with your partner but you feel uncomfortable or it doesn’t feel right. If you feel that you should stop it, then your ex partner shouldn’t guilty about it .If your partner feels guilty about it, it’s a tell tale sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship.
Sexual consent means saying yes when you mean it. Without that “yes” then there’s no consent .If your partner forces sex on you, then that’s rape. If you are forced to have sex, it’s sexual assault. And being a victim of this is never your fault.
When to Talk About Sex
There’s a recommended time and place to discuss sex with your significant other. Waiting for the right time to address the sex topic can help you to reduce feelings of discomfort that are mostly common during sex talks .Here are things to consider:
Pick a Neutral Location
Don’t talk about sexual problems during bedtime or in your bedroom. Choose a neutral location that’s comfortable and private for you and your partner.
Avoid Post-Sex Talks
Don’t discuss sex-related problems just after having sexual intercourse. Wait for a while then discuss sex when you are more objective and when you are removed from the topic at hand.
Avoid Blindsiding Your Partner
if you want to discuss sexual problems with your partner, inform your partner on the same without shifting blame on them. Think about what you would like to discuss with them beforehand, thereafter set time and a place to discuss your issues.
How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner
The following strategies will help you discuss sex with your partner:
Soft Start
Start the conversation about sex slowly, beginning with your focus to feeling connected with your partner. Focus on things that both of you can do to make your sex life fulfilling.
Focus More on Intimacy
Keep in mind that intimacy and affection are as important as frequency. Discuss ways to building intimacy and that make you feel more connected apart from intercourse and discuss your needs for attention and other ways of receiving and showing affection.
Avoid The Surprises
You should be on the same age as your partner. Initiate these conversations before you spring into any action with your partner. Both of you should sit and discuss what fantasies you have and what you both enjoy. Research your options together before you introduce them into your relationship. To avoid creating relationship problems with your partner don’t purchase any sex advice books or sex toys without first discussing the issue with your significant other.
Express Yourself to Your Partner
Talk with your partner about your sexual expectations, desires and concerns and be honest about the issue. Help your partner feel emotionally safe enough to share their thoughts and innermost feelings concerning your sexual relationship.
Have the ‘Sex Talk’ Often
The sex-talk shouldn’t be a one-time conversation rather an ongoing discussion and a normal part of your relationship. Sexual needs and desires may change often therefore it’s important to keep checking with your partner often.
Important Sex-Related Topics to Discuss
Here are some of the sex-related topics you should discuss with your partner:
Discussing Safe Sex
Practising safe sex is important especially if your relationship is open to other people. Ask your partner if they use condoms during sexual intercourse or other safety measures when having sexual intercourse with their sexual partners. If both of you haven’t practised safety measures when having sexual intercourse it’s important to discuss appropriate testing for those involved.
Avoid post-sex talks
Raising this issue may seem difficult especially if it raises questions of fidelity. If you have engaged in sexual practices with someone else who’s not your partner or if you suspect that your partner has done so, it’s important to have a frank, if difficult, discussion and medical testing.
Your comfort level is very important when it comes to achieving a satisfying sexual life. Since your partner can’t read your mind telling them your sexual needs and wants enhances the sexual experience for both of you.
Communicate to your romantic partner gently and constructively explaining to them what makes you feel sexually aroused and desired, remember to offer ideas which you think might help them.
Also, try talking to your partner about your sexual fantasies. In as much as it feels difficult at first, remember that everyone has their own fantasies and they tend to fall into a few common categories. Being vulnerable this way can increase the sexual intimacy between you and your partner and also lead to some new ideas for sexual intercourse.
When You Don’t Want Sex
Libido may change from one day to the next and at times two people may not align in their level of sexual desire. When you would rather not engage with them, remember to communicate sensitively and honestly.
If mismatched or low libido recurs in your relationship and causes multiple problems it’s advisable to consult a counselor for advice. Many variables should be considered when it comes to sex drive and this includes mental and physical health.
Your sexual style allows you to understand which forms of intimacy you find the most satisfying and this is the same case for your partner. Explore your sexual styles with one another as all romantic partners have these sex moods and styles at some point.
Sexual Styles:
Funny
Laughing together and teasing one another in bed is about having fun together. There’s a fun and playful undertone.
Lusty
This is about the physicality of having sexual intercourse. It is flirty as both of you may have quick sex or give each other seductive looks in an unusual setting.
Tender
This sexual style is the romantic and gentle sex that may involve light touches, massages and ministering to one another. You both are into the physical and sexual sensations and focus on giving each other pleasure.
Angry
Making love to each other even when you are angry with each other can be healing. Be sure, however to solve the issues eventually.
Fantasy
With this sexual style, you both collaborate to be daring and experimental. If you incorporate your sexual fantasies into sexual acts, set guidelines and honor your limits.
If you and your partner have multiple sexual styles, having open and honest communication can help. Talking through your differences or disagreements will ensure that you both remain satisfied. You and your partner should also consider sex therapy if you require any professional help.
Regular communication is an important element in any relationship that includes talking about sex. Sex talk is a necessary conversation that you and your partner should engage in regularly from the onset of your relationship. For a healthy relationship to last, it should be nurtured and enjoyed.
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