A Beginner’s Guide to an Open Relationship

What Is an Open Relationship?

An open relationship is a broad term that involves various forms of non-monogamy. This can include arrangements like couples who have threesomes but only engage with others when both partners are present. Some couples may choose to explore sexual encounters with others only when one partner is away.

Others might delve into their fetishes or kinks with other people while maintaining their primary sexual relationship with their partner. Many people in open relationships might form long-lasting emotional and sexual bonds with multiple partners, known as polyamory. The possibilities are vast, allowing you and your partner to explore different dynamics to find what works best for both of you.

Setting Boundaries

The first step in opening up your relationship is to discuss and establish clear boundaries with your partner. These boundaries will vary based on individual preferences and the reasons for opening the relationship. It’s important to cover all details, such as:

• If you’re exploring your queer identity, are there specific gender boundaries for sexual engagement?
• If one partner has a higher libido, does that mean sexual relationships are permitted but emotional connections and sleepovers are off-limits?
• What are the rules for safe sex?
• How will new partners be introduced to friends and family?
• Are you comfortable with new partners visiting your home if you live together?

Discussing and agreeing on these specifics helps prevent accidental boundary crossings. Concrete rules, such as “no sleepovers,” are often more effective than rules based on emotions, like “don’t fall in love.” Remember, you might not know exactly what you need until you encounter new situations, making this a fluid and evolving process.

Sharing Details vs. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

Consider whether you want to know every detail of your partner’s interactions with others or if you prefer to stay in the dark. Some people might not want to know specifics but may still want to be aware of major milestones, such as penetrative sex or developing emotional connections. Respecting your partner’s preferences for how much information they want to share is crucial, as too much information can be overwhelming.

Hierarchy vs. Non-Hierarchy

For those open to multiple romantic and sexual relationships, deciding on a hierarchical or non-hierarchical approach is important. In a hierarchical relationship, one partner may be considered primary, with others being secondary or tertiary.

Secondary partners might have fewer expectations regarding time spent together, living arrangements, or family planning. Transitioning from a monogamous to a hierarchical or non-hierarchical relationship can be challenging, especially for new partners who may feel less prioritized.

Weekly Check-Ins

Adjusting to an open relationship is a flexible process. Regular weekly check-ins can help you both assess how you’re feeling and how well the boundaries are working. It’s often necessary to renegotiate and adapt as you find what works for both of you. Keep track of your feelings throughout the week rather than sending urgent texts while your partner is on a date. Flexibility and open communication are key as you navigate this new territory.

Take It Slow

If you’re new to open relationships, start gradually. For instance, you might begin by allowing one partner to flirt with others while still maintaining a focus on your primary relationship. This doesn’t have to involve physical activity but can help you gauge how comfortable you both are with this new dynamic. Depending on your reasons for opening the relationship, you can gradually progress to more explicit activities.

Opening up your relationship can be a transformative experience. Honest communication with your partner throughout the process is essential. Be prepared for evolving rules and challenging conversations, but remember that finding a dynamic that works for both of you can be incredibly rewarding.