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Communication on Sex is not an Instruction Manual

I have two questions for you: 

1. How do couples have a great relationship without good sex?
2. How do couples have good sex without proper communication? 

Most men are accustomed to one form of communication when it comes to sex- is she moaning loud enough to let the neighbors know I’m beating it out the frame? Well, that’s not in-depth or meaningful communication and it only works when you know what makes your partner’s body want moregasm.  

Good communication not only shows your partner that you are a good listener but also shows you care about their pleasure. Communication on sex is not an instruction manual, but here are some Nim Notty topics on sex that you and your partner must have in order to improve your sexual relationship with your partner:

• Sexual History and Future Plans 

You need to know a person’s sexual history upfront- diseases, gender of partners, and testing history(if they haven’t done STD-testing over the past six months then you need to do so first). Your sexual health is your own responsibility, what you don’t know might harm you. Unfortunately, a lot of African women have experienced different forms of sexual abuse and trauma. It is a good idea, to be honest about the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

Family planning is also important. Nothing can be more frustrating than an unplanned pregnancy before you are truly ready to become parents.  

• Fantasies, Fetishes, and Desires

Fulfilling sexual fantasies with your partner leads to a more fulfilling relationship. I know you are weird too so don’t judge Nim Notty’s sexual fantasies. Besides, jokes on you! If you don’t communicate with your partner then they won’t do the weird shit that you like. 

Create memories and a stronger bond with your partner by ticking your fantasies and fetishes off each others’ bucket lists. 

Also Read: Reasons Your Partner Shares Deep Secrets With Their Confidant And Not You

• Sex Calender 

I know you like it in the morning, but I get my freak on at night. If you want a rewarding sex life that you and your partner can be proud of then you need to share your sex schedules. You like sex twice a week but I enjoy it on the regular unless you are on your periods. Talk about it and a compromise has to be made in case you have different sexual frequencies. 

• Triggers

Nim Notty doesn’t say the word ‘bitch’ when having sex. However, this is surprisingly a major turn-on to some people. It applies to spanking as well as other, for lack of a better term, degrading sexual context language. Communicate with your partner on triggers that are off-limit. Some people like BDSM whereas others can’t stand it. Once you make it clear that you don’t like something and they keep doing it, that’s a major red flag.

Also Read: Thinking of spicing things up? Here’s how to safely try BDSM

• Aftercare 

What happens after you have sex? Does your partner fall asleep or do they get back to what they were doing before you had sex? Talk to your partner if you do not feel fulfilled and/or connected after sex. Cuddle up, have a snack or even share a shower. Satisfying aftercare leads to more affection.  

Hard Truths by Nim Notty

Understanding the reason behind someone’s decision or viewpoint could make a world of difference when it comes to sex. Communicate. 

 

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