Here's how to safely try BDSM.

Thinking of spicing things up? Here’s how to safely try BDSM

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Welcome to the kinky side of the world.

Since 50 Shades of Grey hit our screens, the world has never been the same. While BDSM is as old as humanity and probably cavemen even partook in it, it is the movie which perhaps finally made the modern world sit up straight and take notice.

Since then many people have been at wits end trying to make sense of this kinky side of the world. The bold ones have even begun exploring bondage albeit in baby steps and now incorporate spanks, ties, blindfolds and choking in their lovemaking seasons.

Bitter Sweet – BDSM is rooted in pleasure

Here's how to safely try BDSM. (fairytale)

While many people view BDSM as some form of sadistic expression of love it is actually rooted in pleasure. BDSM operates somewhere in the middle of pain and pleasure.

Compared to say missionary sex which you can do with your eyes closed BDSM is taxing and therefore has higher returns. Partners assume different roles and use different tools to bring to the fore the deepest desires known to man.

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The biggest tool is perhaps the brain which at the right spots is poked to trigger a flood of emotions and hormones culminating in a mindblowing sex season. So mind-blowing can BDSM be that some women proclaim losing count of the number of orgasms they had. They literally go numb with bittersweet pleasure.

“My favourite bondage session was the first time my husband ever tied me up. We used simple under-the-bed restraints and a blindfold. He took to being a Dom like a fish to water. He gave me a spanking and then choked me while going down on me. Then, he added a stainless steel dildo into the mix. It was a particularly amazing experience because I trusted him so completely and we were both so intensely into it. It was one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had.” a first-time wife who tried BDSM told Cosmopolitan.

Knowledge is power when it comes to BDSM

Here's how to safely try BDSM

Yes! BDSM is an elite form of sexual interaction for a lack of a better word. This is not something you wake up one day and just try, you have to know what you’re getting yourself into and that requires some reading. There’s also an extensive and colourful adult BDSM alphabet one needs to master before trying BDSM.  It’s important to read up as much as you can on bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism before you try BDSM with a partner. 

Also Read: The longer it is the sweeter the sex: Meet Ugandan women crazy about elongating their labia minora

In a healthy BDSM relationship, all partners aim to please each other, and the Submissive sets their own boundaries.

How to safely try out BDSM

BDSM can be extremely rewarding if done “safely, sanely, and consensual.”

Caution: Only engage in BDSM with someone you completely trust in order to stay safe and avoid things getting out of hand. 

The traffic light system remains the most common and easily used safe word system this side of the world. Each colour is used to communicate how you’re feeling and what you want.

Red – STOP. Saying this will mean you want your partner to stop everything they’re doing immediately. It should be used when you’re not comfortable, things are getting too much, or you no longer consent.

Yellow (or amber) – SLOW DOWN. say you liked what they were doing but then it became a little too much. Yellow is basically saying “reel it in a little bit”. It can also mean you’re reaching your limit or are edging on physical discomfort.

Green – GO FOR IT. Use green if you like what your partner’s doing and you feel totally comfortable, and you want them to continue.

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