My uncle is the one who taught me why I should always keep my arrows tucked inside a quiver. He held my hand one evening after my graduation, took me to his car, and said that he was taking me around town at night. But on this evening, he was really making me shy when he walked into a pharmacy near Koja, purchased a packet of flavoured condoms, and asked: “Do you know how to use these?”
He would then take me for chips and kuku porno (a term used in Nairobi to describe the ‘nude’ chicken you find being grilled in chips and chicken stands) in one of those Nairobi fast-food joints that never sleep before driving to Koinange street just outside where CJ’s recently set up shop.
I don’t know what my mother would say if she knew her brother took me to sample naked women on the street at night. She took me to a Christian university outside Nairobi, and life over there was very different. Girls were always in long dresses and she had taught me to keep off women who wore short dresses or revealed their cleavage.
My uncle kept the window closed but kept asking: “Which one do you like?” He explained that most of those girls are University of Nairobi escorts and others who pose as university students, but they are over 50 years old. We then went to a strip club in RiverRoad and he did not hesitate to explain that we had passed a few others. I was just an innocent boy who had started working and did not know much. Though I had received several advances from female colleagues and girls I met in matatus (Swahili word for taxis), I was too naive to notice them.
He paid some money at the door then we made our way in. Someone had previously mentioned that all beautiful women came to Nairobi, and the truth is all women in Nairobi have light skin that is very smooth you’d think they are all 16. But on this night, I realised the most beautiful women in Nairobi are in strip clubs.
We sat at a corner table and were joined by 3 ladies. One seemed to know my uncle pretty well. We drank quietly but I don’t know what I remember most between the cigar smoke in the air and the naked women who were dancing on the pole. I was made to understand that in Kibera you don’t just watch girls dance; volunteers get a taste of the forbidden fruit in the full glare of revelers. In short, anybody in the strip clubs can act live porn on stage as others watch!
I also got to learn that even though in this club there was no live sex going on, revelers could relieve themselves in one of the rooms inside. This would be a quickie worth about 1,000 shillings. Those who want the pleasure of foreplay and shower have to go to the streets or call an online escort after booking a normal room in one of the cheap lodges in Nairobi.
We go back to the streets at midnight and my uncle books me a girl, after warning me that “You cannot tell who has kisonono (Swahili word for gonorrhea) among these beauties, and HIV does not announce itself.” That was my first night with a prostitute in Nairobi.
If you ask me where to get a pornstar, I’d recommend hiring a night nurse. The other thing that shocked me is that this woman knew I was broke, was not experienced but also gave me advice to never fuck a city girl without protection. She had carried her own pack for the night, lubricants and massage oil. She was so prepared I was shocked.
When I got out, I found my uncle smiling inside his car where he had been waiting for me. ”Don’t think you have won yourself a girlfriend. She’s just doing her job.”
Here are some of the things I learnt that night that made me respect city prostitutes:
- Prostitutes work extremely hard. Come rain or shine, they must go out to look for money. Even though you can find them online nowadays, this does not mean they stay idle for the rest of the day. Your call will find them in the middle of another side hustle, so you ought to respect their time.
- They are not always evil. Yes, there are some that will put mchele in your drink and make away with all your valuables, but some work hard for their money.
- They are focused. They stay focused and do not keep their eyes off the prize-you either pay or you pay. If you want her to be your girlfriend, come with money.
- They are risk-takers. Prostitutes consider themselves business people, and I know why. It takes a risk taker to accept payment in exchange for sex from someone she has never met before. Every day, she is certain there will be a client.
- Prostitutes are multi-skilled. They know the needs of a city man. Fucking is not all they do; no, there are many services they offer that will also give you an orgasm.
- Ebony call girls are very friendly. You may have met that day for the first time, but she will call you honey, pamper you, and do anything to make you feel comfortable. She will also keep you company and give you counsel for as long as you can pay. Remember, the payment part is very important; it is the reason you two found each other.
- Always use protection! Yes, before you start planting trees, ensure that your arrows are safely tucked inside a quiver.
Have you hired an escort before and what did you learn from them?613