Babe, I need a break! This is too much
There is no single relationship that doesn’t experience an in-fight between partners. However, some relationships experience constant fights that make the relationship somewhat unhealthy and somehow lose that aspect of “together forever.” These constant fights indicate that the two partners have failed or indeed ignored to look into and resolve the bone of contention. Failure to iron out differences that seem trivial, over a long period of time creates dangerous precedence.
For instance, if your partner constantly complains about being ignored, this is something that will create the feeling of being taken for granted. Do not allow it to go unresolved over a long period of time, for this may create an avenue for your complaining partner to start courting the attention of other people. Constant yelling at each other, also, is another problem that partners take for granted, but with time, it may cause a negative familiarity habit. “The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.”- Eng’s Principle.
For this not to cause irreparable damage, you must know how to go on a break. Going on a break does not mean an opportunity to cement the rift but to reflect and take a deeper self-analysis. In any case that is the person, you feel like you want to continue journeying with till the end. So what are the rules of taking a break in a relationship that harbours constant fights?
Rules of Going On A Break
# 1. Mutual agreement to take a break
Don’t just switch off on your partner and wait for them to ask why you have gone silent or are no longer engaging them. Sit down and acknowledge the fact that you are constantly bickering and that has somehow affected your relationship. This will set proper and positive precedence. Outline the necessity to take a break and not to break up.
# 2. Discuss and agree about the cons and pros of taking a break
Ensure you are aware of the snares of taking a break, like falling for instant bangs or one-night stands with random people or people you have a crush on, and how to avoid them. Remember it is a break-off and not a breakup.
# 3. Agree on whether the break is total or partial
This is what I mean, you should discuss and agree whether the break involves total silence or blackout on each other or whether there should be room for little communication between yourselves during the hiatus. When this is clear, neither party will feel that they are being taken for a ride.
#4. Do not set a time frame
Ensure that you two agree that there is no definitive time for the break. If it is for two, six months, or one year, it should be agreeably natural. And should there be a need to adjust, in terms of shortening or extending, still, let it be discussed and agreed upon so as to avoid disappointment.
# 5. Insist on focusing on individual self with a bit of liaison to your partner
This is the time for self-reflection, where you should be able to ask yourself pertinent questions about your individual character and how it has created a collision with your partner. Think about how you can improve on yourself to become more appealing to your partner. Ask questions as if it is your partner asking you.
# 6. Stop worrying about what being apart for a while may bring forth
The break is purposeful with a determined positive outcome. It is an undertaking that seeks to iron out the differences between partners. Enjoy the solitude and unlearn certain behaviors that are detrimental to your partner or the relationship as a whole.
After this break, how should you get back with your partner? This is how to make a rebound and start on a clean slate.
First, set your personal goals on how you want to feel in the relationship. Ask yourself about the tenability of your goals with your partner. Don’t be selfish.
Second, don’t force yourself to get back together. Let it happen naturally and ask your partner if it is okay to rekindle your relationship.
Third, assume that you are meeting your partner for the first time, and it looks as if that person is the best match for you. Treat your partner with utmost consideration avoiding the recurrence of past bad habits.
Fourth, outline your ground rules together and agree on them equally before deciding to continue from where you left.
Fifth, use giftings. Present some nice gifts to your partner for allowing you space and time to reflect as well as committing to come back and continue the relationship with you.156