How to Regain Independence in Your Relationship
Sharing your life with somebody you love is a great thing. You have a romantic partner who you support one another through highs and lows and you share responsibilities. Being codependent is part of a long-term relationship but it’s crucial to have your independence as well. If you feel like you have become dependent on your romantic partner rather than just receiving any support from them, you can try some of these tips to help you regain your independence and strike a balance between living your own life and sharing it with your romantic partner:
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Create More Boundaries
Be Honest With Yourself About How Codependent You Want to be
Some of the signs of being codependent include low self-esteem, fears of abandonment and an obsessive need for approval from your romantic partner. If you feel like you are too codependent discuss it with your partner. If you live together schedule time to spend with your romantic partner and if you live apart pick some of the days that you want to spend solo time.
For instance, you have only been seeing your significant other for a few months now but you have resorted to seeing each other every night. If it feels like a lot of work, set a limit of spending some weekends together every week.
If you two live together decide on 1-2 every night to spend time in different days and decompress from the day. Setting boundaries will also help prevent resentment in your relationship making it last.
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Develop Assertiveness
- Develop your ability of telling your significant other what you want and what you don’t want. The next time your partner asks you to accompany them for an activity that you don’t like doing, learn to say no. Or, make it more clear to them when you want to do specific activities or when certain things are really crucial to you.
- For example, if your significant other always chooses the restaurant you eat at every time you go out, start picking the restaurants once in a while. If you say yes to watching football with your partner yet you don’t care about the sport, explain to them that you would rather allow them to do that with their friends and use that time to do something else.
Maintain Financial Independence
If you are serious about maintaining a long-term relationship with your romantic partner sit down and discuss about finances with them. Make it clear to them that it’s important for you to maintain your bank accounts and be financially independent from them for you to feel great about yourself and relationship.
If you want to create a joint bank account that you can save money for things like home expenses and vacations, but you can still save some of the money for your personal expenses to make you feel more independent.
Avoid Overlooking Yourself
It’s an easy thing to overlook yourself when you are in a serious relationship. Personal needs may be physical, spiritual, mental, social and emotional. Identify what your needs are and find ways to meet independently of your significant other. For instance, if you are looking after your partner’s needs, don’t let it get into your way. If you feel out of shape, join a gym so that you may get back on your track or sign up for aerobic classes. Also, if you feel lonely, make time to call your family and friends every day.
Focus on Personal Projects
Do something that you enjoy doing. You can participate in projects like hobbies, running your business and learning a new skill. If you stopped doing something you enjoy, pick it up again and make it a priority.
- For example, if you enjoy swimming but you gradually took a break from it when your partner came into your life. Take up swimming again and make time for it in the evenings and during weekends.
- Encourage your significant other to pursue their personal projects as well. This way both of you can share the cool things both of you can work on and create a supportive environment to do them.
Spend Time Alone to Become More Independent
Spending time on your own helps you to relax and connect with yourself. Take time to be by yourself and journal, think and reflect or do whatever makes you feel good. Other times you can go out and partake in something that you enjoy doing by yourself.
Set Personal Goals
Having personal goals to work towards is important to bein your own person. Your goals could be educational, professional, financial or travel goals. Share those goals with your partner but don’t expect them to support you or depend on them to help you accomplish those goals. If your significant other doesn’t support your personal goals you could reevaluate how healthy the relationship is.
Travel Alone and Connect with Yourself
Solo travelling is a great way to connect with yourself. Instead of waiting for your partner to organize or schedule a vacation together, book one for yourself. Go on that backpacking trip you have been dreaming of or go to a beach resort for some relaxation and pampering. Being away from your partner for a while will give you and your partner time to miss each other. When you get back from the vacation, the romance between you and your partner is bound to be more intense.
Can independence Bolster Wellbeing and a Healthy Relationship ?
Sustaining a relationship can take considerable time , achieving personal long-term goals involves spending lots of time tending to personal goals and needs. Independence allows for more time to learn and grow in your hobbies, career family and friends relationships.
Prioritizing personal pursuits may be beneficial for maintaining healthy partnerships. Stephanie Coontz, an expert in family and relationships shares that the social connectedness observed in single people could be crucial in steering clear of multiple problems encountered by romantic partners like personal identity, emotional or financial dependency and lack of identity and growth.
Avoid Dependency in Romantic Relationships
Failing to give ample attention to other areas in life, could result in patterns of emotionally dependency that is characterized by an unhealthy attachment and over reliance on your partner for fulfillment and emotional support.
In addition it may be vital to consider aspects of independence. Although mutual support is a feature of serious relationships, it’s not uncommon for relationships to end. in such situations, having a firm foundation on which to divert to self reliance can make the transition easier to navigate.
Growing Together
In committed relationships, there is an understanding of a life shared together. This means having conversations about what your relationship may look like in the future. It is therefore vital to set goals as a couple. According to research, an important part of relationship satisfaction is achieving both companionship and instrumental goals.
Companionship goals involve sharing experiences that will infuse your relationship with meaning like volunteering together, travelling and having regular night dates together. Instrumental goals’ objectives are mostly related to health, finances and home ownership.
The Importance of Communication in Relationships
Good communication is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Apart from communicating about everyday details and decisions that direct the life that both of you share also make time for deeper and intimate conversations that may help you and your romantic partner understand each other better.
Not only does good communication foster the development of an intuition about each other’s desires, but also helps reduce stagnancy and boredom that’s likely to occur when romantic partners fall into routine and boring patterns and avoid engaging deeply with one another.
How Couples Therapy Helps
If you are struggling to find a balance in your relationship, it’s a wise thing to consider couples therapy. A therapist helps you and your partner to learn skills and different strategies for improving communication, setting your expectations and boundaries as well as resolving conflict in your relationships.
Examples of empirically supported therapy approaches used by couples’ counsellors include Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy, Cognitive- Behavioral Couples Therapy and Emotional Focused Therapy.
Takeaway
Being in a relationship entails a form of commitment to your romantic partner. According to research, goal-setting has found to be a crucial aspect of both relationship and individual success. Setting individual goals ensure you make forward progress in your career and personal pursuits. Setting goals as a couple can also help you and your significant other grow together and avoid stagnancy in your relationship.
You and your partner can discuss and settle on exact parameters of your relationship by communicating about your desires, goals and needs. You could also consider how you can maintain your independence as you grow together as partners. Connect with licensed couples therapists on online platforms for guidance as you decide what being in a romantic relationship means for you and your significant other.
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