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What Is Sexual Freedom?

The first thing that comes to mind when one hears the word “sexual freedom,” is how to exercise power, autonomy and the ability to choose to do with the body. It involves having a deep understanding that one’s sexual desires are natural and breaking out of the tyranny of being ashamed and dirty for being a sexual being.

It’s all about being intimate with one’s body to understand what gratifies you sexually and not putting your sexual gratification in the hands of anybody else. Cultivating sexual freedom is one of the most positive things one can do for themselves. Therefore sexual freedom equates sexual power as it involves developing one’s sexual identity and deciding for oneself what works for you sexually.

Some people believe that men want sex more than women, a distorted perception. According to an article written on WebMD, Louanne Cole Weston, Ph.D. stated “When people wrote in about the discrepancy of frequency and desire [for sex], about 40% of the time it was men wanting less.”

Irwin Goldstein, M.D., director of sexual medicine at San Diego’s Alvarado Hospital stated to WebMD that one out of five men have a low libido, and “almost 30% of women say they have more interest in sex than their partner has.”

Signs You Might Not Be Sexually Free

You Fantasize About Sexual Intimacy

A man who is not sexually free always fantasizes about sexual intimacy. Sexual fantasy lulls one to inaction and creates the allusion within someone as if they already have meaning and depth-as if it has been fulfilled.

Men who lack sexual freedom fantasize about how it would be like to have sexual intimacy or marry a particular person. Such men don’t necessarily pursue marriage nor do they have a sense of what they would do in their life after getting married. It’s all about experiencing the sexual intimacy at that moment. With intimacy they may end up walking away feeling that they experienced the sexual intimacy when in actual sense they haven’t experienced it.

You Downplay Your Bondage

If a man is used to saying phrases like, “I’m struggling in my thought life”, “I’ve had some moral failures”  and “I faced temptation to lust today” such a man is not sexually free.

This kind of downgrading one’s sexual bondage may be unique to men with a religious affiliation. Men who don’t have a religious affiliation that provokes them don’t worry about the sexually immoral things they partake in- unless it’s illegal.

How to Take Responsibility for Your Sexual Freedom

Talk About Sex Often

A lot of people feel uncomfortable talking about sex and sex acts with their friends or romantic partners. Religious affiliations that inhibit sex education can normalize our sexual experience or sexual expression. Sex education gives us an understanding of how sex works. Lacking education makes folks uncomfortable discussing their sexual needs and interests or lacking knowledge.

When we hold mindfulness for such uncomfortable conversations we begin to discuss sexual experiences and expressions henceforth we can find deeper relationships with close friends and romantic partners.

When we normalize such conversations, we can guide other people in dismantling their own shame. Being vulnerable also help us to support our sexual liberation and that of others.

Acknowledge Shame and Explore It

Sexual shame surrounding expression can be deep. Annette Kammer explores how sexual shame affects our emotional and mental well-being. In an article for Scientific American she explains that we are accused of violating social norms by others or being stigmatized for the behaviour such behaviours can be internalized.

 Kämmer explains that shame is “painful and debilitating, affecting one’s core sense of self, and may invoke a self-defeating cycle of negative affect.” Mandy Ronda also explores sexual shame in a TEDx and asking what it would mean, or look like, to be shameless.

Exploring the shame that’s associated with sexual expression deepens our sexual liberation. Being mindful teaches us to be real and authentic and show up wholly. We learn to replace compassion with shame so that we can heal wounds of shame for how we express ourselves sexually.

Anatomy of Sexual Pressure

The most vital step to taking responsibility for your sexual freedom is understanding that nobody but you can make it work. Firstly, you need to know your own pleasure anatomy. Freud most famous comment is, “The only thing about masturbation to be ashamed of is doing it badly.” Learning about your sexual pleasure and charting a map to your own orgasms helps you to unparalleled sexual pleasure with your romantic partner. Give yourself time to feel your own body and grow your own capacity for sexual pleasure.

Sexual Education

One of the most powerful freedoms most of us downplay is the power to learn and educate ourselves. Getting curious enough to learn and understand what really turns you on or what doesn’t is deeply empowering. To become powerful and mature sexual beings we need to build vocabulary using which we talk about sex. Create a list of all the things you’d want to learn about your sexual life and purpose to learn it.

Sexual Acceptance

Reconciling our wild sexual side with our daily roles is one of the biggest challenges while we are developing our erotic freedom. It’s not uncommon to hear people say that they wouldn’t do some freaky things with the mother of their children or romantic partners. At the end of the day, shame wins.

When we lose our erotic nerve with people who mostly inhabit our lives, we are left with no choice but to solicit illegal relationships in a bid to discover our erotic or sexual side. In turn, we are stuck with the shame of betrayals and looking for sexual recognition that is mostly out of reach. Therefore it’s time to get rid of it and explore the widest range possible.

Sexual Surrender

When are fully able to surrender to wanting to want, a lot of things shift in our sexual experiences and in the way we relate to life .Our erotic capacity is unleashed when we come back to our senses and forget about our egoic self.

Learning to turn off the judgemental mind and engage in practices where you become present fully and help you get between the sheets. Full presence takes practice but is worth every time you spend since it helps you to surrender to your true self and nature.

Signs of Sexual Freedom:

You Live With a Vision

Instead of fantasizing about sexual intimacy, you have a vision for what sexual intimacy seems like and moves toward that vision. Intimacy is not just about the physical act of sexual intercourse. It’s also about sharing a life together and being naked “emotionally” and “psychologically”. A man’s sexual drive should compel him to care deeply and tenderly for his woman.

You Live With Transparency

Instead of downplaying your sexual bondage, once you become sexually free, you become honest and free about what you are facing or you have done. It’s risky but your vision for a healthy sexual life drives you to be honest with your romantic partner.

“I cannot get pornographic images out of my mind.”

“Today, I clicked on two sites I knew were sexually explicit.”

“I violated this person by having sex with them.”

This type of transparency displays the horribleness of his sexual struggles, it is the path to a man’s freedom.

You Take Ownership For Your Failures

As long as you make excuses for not achieving something, you will never move forward towards achieving sexual freedom. If you are living in a sexualized society and lack sexual freedom, you could limit yourself from attaining sexual freedom.

When you find yourself having lingering thoughts about something is not yours to enjoy, you may find yourself regretting there and then. You create for yourself accountability through which you can share about struggles you face or challenging situations you run into. Whether it’s a failure you need to come clean on or a path to sexual freedom you are charting you don’t need to place the work on anyone else but yourself.

In conclusion, sexual freedom is about getting to know and understand ourselves when it comes to sexual liberation. When we deconstruct some of the guilt that surrounds sex, we become more receptive to exploring our sexual desires and wants. What are our requirements for us to feel good about ourselves and what is our sexual expression like for us. 

Sexual emancipation doesn’t quite mean sex without boundaries. It also doesn’t mean that we become hypersexual. Sexual liberty allows us to be sexually explorative in a way that values our sexual desires and wants, regardless of what they are. Reflecting on our sexual desires and wants helps us to honour a part of ourselves that have been neglected or embarrassed. 

We can cure that bit of ourselves by investigating what our sexual desires or wants are. Additionally, as we ponder on our sexual requirements we set limits for ourselves. Mindfulness requires us to be present for ourselves, and treat our bodies with compassion and care. 

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