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How to fire up your relationship

Like a car, a relationship is bound to breakdown at some point and needs constant attention to ensure it remains healthy and vibrant.

Better still a relationship is like a fire which you have to watch over not to die. Have you ever started or stoked a fire? The smallest spark can eventually become a roaring blaze and once the fire has reached its full potential, you must maintain it for it  to stay strong – or else if you neglect it eventually dies out. The same principle applies to a relationship. Here are simple things you can do to rekindle your relationship.

Perfect your kissing and kiss like you mean it

Don’t just push your tongue in and out. Explore your partner’s lips, kiss softly, and be passionate.

Masturbate together

Oftentimes when we think of sex, it is in the context of the penis in the vagina (or anus ) but really, that’s so limiting. Masturbating alongside/with your partner is not only great for when you’re too tired to get it on, but you also get to learn how your partner touches you. That way, the next time you do have partnered sex, you can touch them exactly how they like!

Explore temperature play

It is a technique that uses heat or cold to stimulate the skin to provoke a sensual reaction. Whether you use an ice cube or heat things up with some wax play…it always evokes a strong sensory response.

Keep the lube close

Lubrication increases the comfort and speed with which you can penetrate the vagina and grind against the clitoris. Sometimes a woman may find it difficult to get wet even though she’s turned on, that’s where the lube comes in. Squeezing a few drops onto the tip of your penis before you start intercourse makes things a lot easier.

Invest in more foreplay

Sex isn’t a race. Take time to explore your partner before you get to intercourse. This will help build desire and strengthen closeness. Foreplay is where you learn what you like and don’t like.

Talk dirty

You can ease into dirty talk by saying something like: “You make me think dirty thoughts.” It’s best to test the waters a bit rather than immediately go for your deepest, kinkiest dirty talk right off the bat.

Dirty talks can be sexually stimulating.

Monogamy is not the only way

A study suggests that couples in open relationships are as well off as those in monogamous relationships when it comes to relationship satisfaction, psychological well-being, and sexual satisfaction. If you and your partner have been itching to have sex with someone new, you could explore having a threesome or attending a sex party together.

Spend Time Apart   

It sounds counterintuitive as a way to improve your relationship, but take a break from your partner. Everyone needs their own space and quality time outside a relationship. Dating and marriage counselors remind us that you deserve that breathing room.

Individuals need time on their own for personal growth and to maintain independence within the confines of a relationship. While individuals flourish, the relationship itself benefits. In fact, it’s key to successful marriages.

Whether that means reading alone or taking a walking in the park, do it. Or maybe you want to attend a workout with a friend.

Go to Sleep at the Same Time

For a healthier relationship, head to bed at the same time. There are night owls and early birds who live on different schedules, and then there are those who work in bed while the other is watching Netflix in another room. Whatever the situation, synchronize your bedtimes.

According to Chris Brantner, a certified sleep science coach, 75% of couples don’t go to bed together, which has negative effects. Those with mismatched sleep patterns report more conflict, less conversation, and have less sex than those who go to bed together.

Share a Loving Story

While it might surprise you, reminiscing can help enhance your relationship. Conversations that start with “Remember when” and trek down memory lane—about your first date, your first home, and funny memories—lead both of you back to good feelings. Your partner will be reminded of why they fell in love with you in the first place.

Sharing secrets with each other

Intimacy isn’t all about sex, but rather that closeness between the two of you. If you’re feeling disconnected, try telling your partner a secret you’ve never revealed to anyone before. “When couples are welcoming and non-judgmental of their partner’s secrets they strengthen their connection,” says Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, co-author of Happy Together, which she wrote with her husband James Pawelski, PhD.

Bottom Line

Love is a powerful emotion. That’s why we like to think that we are “meant to be” with our partner – that we won’t need to work at love because it’s something that “soulmates” just have. That’s also why we give up and move on when we don’t feel it anymore. Yet love isn’t disposable. Relationships aren’t disposable. It takes commitment, but you can rekindle a relationship.

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