Sex Guide: How To Prepare For A Dick Appointment

Sex Guide: How To Prepare For A Dick Appointment

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Dick Appointment

Preparing for a dick appointment is a momentous task. It requires planning, dedication and far, far more effort than a boy will ever undertake when getting ready for… well, anything.

You don’t have to do the Absolute Most™ when preparing for a dick appointment – it’s up to you how much you prep. But for an extensive, expert checklist, you have come to the right place.

Moisturise every crevice

Get your nicest smelling moisturiser – maybe ditch the super heavy duty eczema cream just for today – and lather it all over you. Top tip: Moisturise your butt and tits. You are guaranteed to get a “Wow your skin is so soft” comment if you moisturise these areas.

Also, beware over moisturising. If you use a heavily perfumed moisturiser all over your neck and boobs right before you see the guy then when he kisses or sucks on either of those bits you’re gonna taste a bit perfumey or like rubbing alcohol. Also if you’re too slippery like a seal you might slip out of his hands like a bar of soap.

Shave, if you want to

How much you shave is up to you. Don’t shave at all if you don’t want to! However, this is number one on the checklist because it genuinely is the first thing most women do to prep before a dick appointment, so for ease, it’s here.

It’s also here in case you have a dick appointment in ten minutes and you’re reading this suddenly realising you forgot to shave your legs. But again, body hair is personal and what’s most important is that you do you.

Eat fruit

You are what you eat, and some things make you taste better than others. Fruit, including pineapple and mangos, are the way to go. Also staying hydrated is also important. Things that don’t make you smell or taste too good are alcohol, cigarettes and any particularly odorous foods i.e curries and strong cheeses.

This is only really going to help you if you munch down a fuck load of mango a good 24 hours before your dick appointment, so if you’re short on time – don’t bother, just have a shower like you normally would. Also remember NOT TO WASH the inside of your vagina if you’re looking to smell or taste nice, because it fucks with your Ph balance. Don’t upset the vag, my dude.

Pack essentials

If you are going to your man’s place pack some essentials. Spare pants are non negotiable. You do not want to be walking around in those bad boys from the night before, trust me on that. Concealer, makeup remover if you’re brave/kind to your skin, condoms and lube just in case. If you’re down, toys. Charger.

Don’t go ‘commando’ (unless he has asked you too)

For those that are not well versed in slang vocabulary, ‘commando’ is a corny term for ‘pantyless.’ So ladies, don’t go to a man’s house when you are not wearing a panty unless he specifically asked you to do so. You might think it’s naughty and a turn on but the first thing that comes to our minds is “she must be a slut.” Panties are sexy. We love to look at panties. More so, we enjoy the feeling of removing a woman’s panty, so don’t make it too easy for us to access. That feeling of pulling a panty down a woman’s legs is so divine. It’s like unwrapping an expensive gift. It makes us feel so proud of ourselves. It’s at that moment that we realize all the hard work we put into kukatia is finally paying off.

Keep time

There are three kinds of time in this word – normal time, African time and female time. When a lady says she’s coming at a specific time she’ll probably show up minutes late so it’s always nice to give her an allowance of 30 minutes extra. But that’s it. Not longer than that.  If we agree you are going to come at 8pm, please come by 8:30 pm at least. Waiting is never fun.  If you know that you can’t make the appointment on time, let a nigga know as soon as possible. Don’t wait until you’re there to start giving excuses.

Leave your attitude or bad mood wherever you are coming from

In case you were in a bad mood, don’t carry it to a man’s house. When you avail yourself for a dick appointment, it should be all fun and happy times. Smile for the dick. No bitching and being stubborn. Most importantly, make sure you want to do it. It’s foolish to transport yourself to a man’s house then you start acting all surprised and rebellious when he touches you or goes for the kiss. Be mature.

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