Understanding Relationship Abuse: Spotting The Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship
Page Contents
Physical Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Sexual Abuse

What Are Some of the Signs That Abuse is Happening in Your Relationship?
What if You are Abusive to Your Partner?

How Can You Change The Situation?
How Does Abuse Start?
It’s important to talk about how abuse in relationships starts. Abuse happens gradually since most abusers can’t show you their ugly sides from the beginning.
People who are starting new relationships should remember that everyone entering a new relationship puts their best foot forward from the onset. That’s why it’s advisable to proceed with relationships wisely, build a relationship slowly and watch if your romantic partner’s actions match their words.
Abusive people are often calculated and work slowly towards disconnecting you from yourself and people close to you. They do this to mould you into a person whose work is to meet their needs. Over time, the victims become used to the abusive relationship(homeostasis). Therefore, choosing to disrupt this abusive relationship is a shift to the brain hence natural resistance takes place.
The Cycle of Abuse
The cycle of abuse is a way of conceptualizing how abuse progresses. While the cycle can be complex, it follows a four-stage cycle:
Tension Building
In this stage, stress starts to build. Your abuser may feel threatened or they don’t get the attention they deserve. A communication breakdown begins and you begin to feel like you need to walk cautiously so as not to annoy your abuser. You end up taking on a nurturing or agreeable role and become hyperaware of your abuser’s moods.
 Acting Out
In this stage, the abuse occurs be it physical, emotional, sexual and or financial abuse, leaving you feeling scared, worthless and devastated
Honeymoon or Reconciliation
This stage is also known as the, “I’ll never do that again,” stage. In this part of the cycle, your abuser apologizes for the abuse. They may fake being remorseful and beg for forgiveness. Often, they blame the victim for provoking the abuse or deny that the abuse ever happened.
They may minimize the abuse and claim that the abuse wasn’t as bad as the victim makes it seem. You begin to wonder if you are crazy like your abuser told you multiple times. This questioning makes you feel disconnected.
Calm
During this stage, the abuser slows down the abuse or stops altogether. The abuser behaves like the abuse didn’t happen, apologize and promise to change during the honeymoon stage but they don’t meet those promises.
The abuser showers you with gifts to make you believe that they will stop abusing you like they promised they would change. You put your hopes high only for the cycle to start again.
Taking Steps to Heal and Move on
The scars of abuse run deep. The trauma it causes can stay with you even longer after leaving an abusive relationship. You may struggle with frightening memories, upsetting emotions , feeling numb and inability to trust other people. Therapy and counselling can also help you to process the abuse you have been through and help you new and healthy relationships.
Take Away
If you are being abused, remember:
You deserve to be with a partner that respects you.
You shouldn’t blame yourself for being mistreated or battered.
You are not to blame for your partner’s abusive behaviour.
You deserve a happy and safe life.
You aren’t alone as there are people who are there to help you.
