Emotional Intimacy: Signs You Are In an Intimate Relationship
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What Is Intimacy?
Intimacy refers to a sense of closeness, the ability to have a strong emotional connection such as love or trust. It is the ability to share privileged information with another individual. While feelings of emotional connection can be present during sexual acts, there are different ways one can be intimate with other people apart from during romantic relationships.
Intimacy exists even in family, friends and work relationships. An intimate relationship allows for vulnerability in a number of ways. It doesn’t even have to be a long relationship if you bump into a random person and strike up a conversation, feel connected to them and end up pouring your emotions you have just engaged in an intimate relationship that could later turn into a romantic relationship.
How Does Intimacy Affect Relationships ?
Intimacy increases the sense of fulfilment within a relationship. When we are experiencing an intimate relationship, it goes from experiencing surface-level interactions and deep emotions to feeling more connected, trusting and personal. There has to be a high level of vulnerability for the relationship to move from a surface to a deep and intimate level.
For one to engage in verbal intimacy, one needs to have a positive affective tone, self-disclosure as well as listening and understanding. This has been shown to lead to an increase in psychological and physical intimacy.
Increasing intimacy in a relationship promotes closeness and combats depression and loneliness, thus improving the quality of the relationship.
Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy also known as sexual intimacy, is when one engages in a consensual physical interaction. It includes sexual intercourse but it’s not limited to touch that’s associated with sex. Physical touch has several benefits thanks to the love hormone alias oxytocin which is why it feels enjoyable and relaxing.
Oxytocin, a connection hormone creates a calming effect during a physical interaction with someone you are comfortable with. It’s vital to relationships since it deepens the relationship connection and alleviates loneliness.
Examples of physical intimacy include: kissing, cuddling, hugging, massage, sexual intercourse, handshakes and holding hands.
Emotional Intimacy
This is the ability to express both negative and positive feelings for this vulnerable expression to be received with deep understanding and validation. Learning emotional intimacy early in life is the foundation of being able to create a long-lasting relationship throughout to adulthood.
Maintaining an emotional intimate relationship involves creating a sense of safety. Creating a safe space involves respecting a person’s emotions, and listening to them, meeting their vulnerability and standing for them anytime they need you.
Examples of emotional intimacy include:
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Having a deep and intimate conversation about what you want out of the relationship you have with them.
Sharing your private thoughts and feelings during deep conversations.
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Speaking something out when you are in distress.
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Opening up about your traumas or difficult experiences
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Opening up about your hopes and dreams.
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Reaching out when you are facing a life crisis.
Signs That You Are You in an Intimate Relationship
You Feel Accepted In every Way
In a truly intimate relationship, you and your partner will experience a profound sense of acceptance, according to Tara Fields, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and author of The Love Fix.
In such a relationship, you won’t feel the need to engage in “impression management”—the act of trying to control how others perceive you. For example, you won’t hesitate to let them spend the night, even if you sometimes drool or snore in your sleep, because you know they will accept you no matter what.
Carmichael adds that intimacy deepens as we reveal more of ourselves, including our less-than-perfect sides. “The more we pull back the curtain and let people see the parts of us that aren’t so perfect, that’s where a lot of intimacy comes from,” he says.
You Can Count on Them When Things go Wrong
Life can be challenging, whether it’s due to job loss or financial difficulties. How your partner responds in these situations can be telling. “Do you feel that both of you can use challenges to build deeper intimacy and heal together?” asks Fields. Or are you always anxious that they might leave? For instance, if you were laid off, would your partner quickly offer reassurance and perhaps suggest taking on extra work to help out? Or would they panic and possibly even place blame on you?
If your partner’s response is supportive and constructive, it indicates that your relationship has a strong foundation of support. However, if their reaction is more negative or blaming, it may signal that your relationship needs more development in areas such as trust and vulnerability.
They’re Dedicated to Truly Understanding you
The essence of intimacy, as Carmichael notes, comes from the Latin word meaning “familiar.” This means that someone in an intimate relationship should be actively engaged in getting to know you on a deeper level—actively being the key word!
Intimacy involves a genuine interest in learning about and understanding every aspect of your partner, from their life experiences and emotions to their preferences and physical self, explains Carmichael.
For example, does your partner remember and read your favorite book, or do they make an effort to understand and engage with your interests? Conversely, have you noticed their passion for anime and suggested an anime marathon instead of just watching your favorite reality show? Demonstrating a willingness to understand and appreciate each other’s likes and dislikes is a simple yet profound way to deepen your connection.
You can be Open and Vulnerable With Them
If you can’t share your true self with your partner and still feel loved, your relationship might not be as intimate as it seems. To truly gauge this, you need to test the waters of vulnerability. “That’s when you really discover, ‘Is this a fear or a fact that I can’t be myself and still be loved?’” says Carmichael.
When preparing to share something deeply personal, Carmichael suggests using her W.A.I.T. strategy:
- Want: Ensure that this is something you genuinely want to share with your partner.
- Appropriate: Consider whether it’s the right time and setting to reveal personal information. For instance, if your partner has recently experienced a loss, they might not be in the best emotional state to handle new disclosures.
- Inoculate: Gradually introduce your partner to the information you wish to share, much like a vaccine builds immunity. Start with a small amount of information and observe their reaction. If they respond supportively, it’s a good sign that you can open up further.
- Trust: Check in with yourself and assess your own feelings before you disclose. Trust your instincts about whether the moment is right.
You Experience a Healthy Interdependence in the Relationship
According to Fields, the most fulfilling intimate relationships are characterized by interdependence, though achieving this can be challenging. In an interdependent relationship, you have the security and trust to be yourself and pursue your own interests, while still feeling a strong connection as a couple. It means you can be “a ‘we’ and a couple without fearing that you’ll be overwhelmed or lose your individuality,” Fields explains.
You Evolve Through Your Shared Experiences
Another indicator of an intimate relationship is when it encourages you to gain deeper self-awareness and allows you to discuss these insights with your partner, says Carmichael.
For instance, if you’re naturally shy and your partner is more outgoing, you might find yourself observing as they handle social interactions while you stay more reserved. Through these shared moments, you might start to understand yourself better and have meaningful conversations about these revelations with your partner.
There’s a Strong Sense of Teamwork in the Relationship
“Your partner is your person,” says Fields, emphasizing that they should be your top priority in many aspects of life. Unfortunately, it’s common for extended family members or other outsiders to create conflict and drive a wedge between partners.
Disagreements are natural, but in a truly intimate relationship, you and your partner will avoid shaming each other for your differing views. Instead, you’ll listen and understand each other’s perspectives. Remember, your relationship should be one of the safest and most supportive places you can turn to, Fields advises.
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