money conversations before marriage

Money Talks: Conversations About Money You Need to Have With Your Partner Before Getting Married

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Money For This, Money For That, Money For Everything

They say money is the source of all evil, but what they also forgot to tell you is that money cures all evil. Haven’t you heard that in the courts there is justice for the rich and the law for the poor? Riches turn a heinous felony into a misdemeanour and a misdemeanour into a felony. Anyway, that is enough reason to have money conversations with your partner.

Nevertheless, the discussion is not about its presence or lack of it,  but rather why and how you should have a conversation about it in your relationship. The conversion about money is something that people find difficult to engage in. Failure to discuss money matters with your partner portends danger a great deal.

There is no money for her and money for him. Davy Ramsey once said, “Marriage is a partnership, and couples can’t win with money unless they budget as a team.” Times have changed that chauvinistic narrative that always says man must provide and woman should consume is hurting many relationships. We are living in hard economic times with high commodity prices. To live comfortably and within means, a couple needs to share responsibilities which require money to be carried out. Another opinion shaper is Michael Baisden, who said, “ A relationship is a huge responsibility! It is an investment of time, money, energy, and emotions, and you must be accountable for your comings and goings. And that is just the beginning.”

In her weekly vlogs, Jessica OS lists three conversations that a couple or partners should talk about in relation to money. These are: “This is what my money looks like”, “What are our money goals”, and “How are we going to combine our finances” conversations.


# 1. “This Is What My Money Looks Like” Conversation


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Not many people have the courage and honesty to engage in this type of conversation. One of the main reasons which make this conversation a daunting endeavour is a fear that most people have about it. Some people are afraid that this may expose them to gold diggers, or that their worth in the relationship will be gauged according to their earnings. It is true that some people reject or dump their partners because of what they term “low class” or “financially unstable”. Rather someone rejects you early during courtship than later when already married. 

Also Read: Warning Signs That You Are With A Gold Digger

The conversation about net income helps a great deal. First, it shows a high level of transparency. The kind of value some people attach to money is greater than what others attribute to the importance of privacy, for instance, nakedness. I mean, someone would rather show you their nakedness than their money. Money is the most unique currency in the world, besides language. Money is an enabler of the acquisition of good things in life. If your partner hides their money from you, it means they don’t value you. Money is the value everyone accrues from most endeavours.

Also, putting what you earn on the table for your partner to see helps deal with issues of high expectation. When a partner hides their income, the other partner may either underestimate or overestimate the ability of their partner. It feels terrible when your partner demands things beyond your financial ability. You will live a fake lifestyle, otherwise known as living beyond your means. When you overstretch your income, you will most definitely live in dire inadequacies where the most fundamental elements like peace and harmony cannot be sustained.


# 2. “What Are Our Money Goals” Conversation

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 Money goals are simply defined as priorities where one expends their money. Money has many uses, so it is essential to discuss what your priorities are. According to Robert Kiyosaki, “Money is not the goal. Money has no value. The value comes from what the dreams money helps achieve.”  Making sure that your money goals converge, prevents the issues of wastage. You will be able to harmonize your expenditure, in a manner that each partner feels happy. 

Money goals conversations help iron out irregularities, that is using the money for unnecessary purposes. Using money on non-essentials has been seen as one of the contributors to financial instability. James W. Frick once quipped, “Don’t show me where your priorities are. Show me where you spend your money and I will tell you what they are.” Proper priorities guarantee a couple of secured future. 

Goals are dreams. You can only achieve them as a couple if you both believe in them. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “ The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Streamlining your goals together says a lot about your relationship. It means that your relationship is thought about beyond the present. A partner who encourages you to spend without looking at the money goals is like a shepherd who fattens oxen for the slaughterhouse. This type of partner is preparing you for an epic fail in life. 

# 3. “How Are We Going To Combine Our Finances?” Conversation

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Together we stand, divided we fall.  We cannot be separated in interest or divided in purpose. That sounds familiar I guess. Oneness goes beyond having sex and children together. Muhammad Iqbal once said that we should “Rise above sectional interests and private ambitions… Pass from matter to spirit. The matter is diversity; the spirit is light, life and unity.” Combining your finances irons out selfishness. If you are talking of soul ties because of sex, you should also talk about merging, which is like coming together to scale up the profit. The narrative should be our money and not my money. Using the tag my money can easily make one partner use money as a leveraging tool. 

If you are both earning, the best way to allay the fears of being seen as a lesser contributor or vice versa is through combining finances. You will need thousands of pebbles to raise a wall but a few bricks to do the same. Your efforts are much more visible when combined than when done individually.


My Money Our Money Is A Selfless Statement. You Say, My Woman, My Man. You Own Them. Thus You Own What They Own.




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